Was doing some thinking this weekend, and on Sunday I had a major meltdown because of overusing my noggin. I had been feeling depressed and stressed out from lack of sleep, pain & taking meds that nearly always make me feel nauseous. It all came to a head on the weekend, all of the loss I’d ever experienced came crashing in, it was too much. No one tells you when you’re young the amount of loss you will experience and that things will never stay the same and life is continually changing. No one prepares you for the challenges a chronic health issue that develops later on in life. Your friends and family step back, unsure of how to deal with your chronic illness and your near constant pain. Every once in a while, the disease, stress and nights of no sleep pile up and overwhelm you. I’m sure I’m not the only spoonie who experiences this 😦 In other words I had a good cry on Sunday, I needed it. I’ve also been dealing with depression because of my ‘bad genes’, I had my first child at 18 and my 2nd at 19. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis at 37 and of course I had no idea of this condition as a teenager. Lately my daughter has been complaining about her bad skin which I also had as a teenager but never thought my kids with experience such a bad case of it although it wasn’t as bad as I had experienced. Trust me that is something I would not have wanted passed down to my kids. The thought of them getting rheumatoid arthritis scares me to death, it is much much worse than acne. Even though right now a few zits feels like the end of the world, its nothing compared to RA and I pray to God that they never have to experience any autoimmune disease ever.
It’s strange to think that crying your eyes out could bring such release from stress. If you’re lucky enough to have somebody to talk to understand this disease, hold on to them. But if you need a good cry go ahead and do it, it purges the stress out of your body. Between the confusion, brain fog, pain and not knowing what’s going to hurt when you wake up each day, releasing that pain by crying is nothing to be ashamed about.
Here’s hoping that the warmer weather relieves some of your pain and brightens your day.