This year will be a big one for me, I turn 40 in the fall. I’ve decided to tie up any loose ends of my life before the big 4-0. A few of those things were, reaching out to old friends for the last time, most of them I’ve learned never were my friends really. I will not seek them out again after 40. Another one was hopefully, fingers crossed, was my families commitment to not treating me like shit anymore, eg; bringing up some humiliating experience when I was a kid, talking about me like I was stupid, treating me as if I wasn’t family or looking at me like something was wrong with me. Didn’t happen, so in future any mention of my youth by them will be met with the sheer force of my fluent mouth and a bitch slap with my verbage. Other things like getting out of debt are on my f**k it list too. But the family one was most important, I will not be treated like shit anymore by any of them, I wasn’t included in many family get togethers in my younger yrs and they’re ok with that. So I will be ok refusing to be hurt & stressed by the joke of it all. Also on the list is my ex-husband, this is the year I stop asking my kids if he’s made any sort of contact with them, his problem now. I will not mention or ask about him again, he shit in his own nest.
The f**k it list is all about laying the past to rest and moving forward onto new things, I dont have the health or time for any of it. It’s like a big ole sweep out of the brain. That part of my life is over and I need to start the next 40 with fresh eyes and an open heart. It just seemed important for me, I want to be free of any baggage & free to learn new things and ways of doing them.
This was the year I hoped for a breakthrough with my rheumy, not for a cure, just for acknowledgement of my pain & fatigue. My bloodwork is good with numbers in the normal range, (currently taking enbrel) but I am effin EXHAUSTED all the time. I was very disappointed when my rheumy blamed it on fibro and again refused my request for stronger pain meds. I am now discussing with me, myself and I if I should look into a new rheumy.
This year is going to be a doozey.