The 40 or f**k it list…

This year will be a big one for me, I turn 40 in the fall. I’ve decided to tie up any loose ends of my life before the big 4-0. A few of those things were, reaching out to old friends for the last time, most of them I’ve learned never were my friends really. I will not seek them out again after 40. Another one was hopefully, fingers crossed, was my families commitment to not treating me like shit anymore, eg; bringing up some humiliating experience when I was a kid, talking about me like I was stupid, treating me as if I wasn’t family or looking at me like something was wrong with me. Didn’t happen, so in future any mention of my youth by them will be met with the sheer force of my fluent mouth and a bitch slap with my verbage. Other things like getting out of debt are on my f**k it list too. But the family one was most important, I will not be treated like shit anymore by any of them, I wasn’t included in many family get togethers in my younger yrs and they’re ok with that. So I will be ok refusing to be hurt & stressed by the joke of it all. Also on the list is my ex-husband, this is the year I stop asking my kids if he’s made any sort of contact with them, his problem now. I will not mention or ask about him again, he shit in his own nest.

The f**k it list is all about laying the past to rest and moving forward onto new things, I dont have the health or time for any of it. It’s like a big ole sweep out of the brain. That part of my life is over and I need to start the next 40 with fresh eyes and an open heart. It just seemed important for me, I want to be free of any baggage & free to learn new things and ways of doing them.

This was the year I hoped for a breakthrough with my rheumy, not for a cure, just for acknowledgement of my pain & fatigue. My bloodwork is good with numbers in the normal range, (currently taking enbrel) but I am effin EXHAUSTED all the time. I was very disappointed when my rheumy blamed it on fibro and again refused my request for stronger pain meds. I am now discussing with me, myself and I if I should look into a new rheumy.

This year is going to be a doozey.


4 thoughts on “The 40 or f**k it list…

  1. anet37 says:

    My friend is giving herself B12 injections and thinks that they help with fatigue. Did you read Lene’s @theseated view blog post about pain?. It was very interesting.
    Could your GP deal with pain medication for you? My rheumy is excellent but not really good at pain treatment. Last time I asked he gave me a very weak and very old time pain prescription. I think it helped a bit because I had faith in it until they took it off the market.

  2. mkupl79 says:

    I agree with looking into B12 injections. There are also B12 patches. A lot of people in online lupus support groups I used to belong to have said B12 has helped with fatigue. I also agree with asking your GP for pain medication. My rheumy absolutely hates prescribing narcotics for some reason (he only offered when he started weaning me off the prednisone because he’d rather manage my pain than have me give up on getting off the pred). My GP, though, has already had me on a Fentanyl patch and Percocet for breakthrough pain for the past year.

    I love your idea of “The 40 or F**k It List.” I can relate somewhat with family. I just finally started counseling, and the therapist’s jaw dropped over things I suffered and still do. You inspire me, and I think I may work up the courage to make my own list someday.

    Stay strong 🙂

    • racanuck says:

      I’ve had my b12 levels checked and they’re good also take a supplement too, I think my family will never change because they dont see themselves doing anything wrong. Funny thing is both of my kids see it all the time, they’ve seen me cry when its too much. They support me, thank God. The rest of my family still treats me as a inconvienence & a burden, or as if I had a catchy disease. That shits been going on as long as I can remember. I may have to look into long term counselling, there will be some things I fear sharing with one though.

      We’re in this for the long haul Mindy ❤

      • mkupl79 says:

        I’m so glad you have your kids’ support. That really pisses me off when family acts like that. My family puts me through that, too. Blood isn’t always thicker than water, sadly.

        I’m here for, you, though. Thinking of you ❤

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