fresh hell

Ugh, everyday a new fascinating mystery for me to solve in the rheum playground. For the last few days the inside of my mouth has felt as though I’d been chewing fiberglass like bubblegum. Like a million tiny razor blades had their way with my mouth, anything I eat tastes & has the consistancy of dirty gravel off a road. Throw in a strange and gross metallic flavour and you’ve got the makings of a wtf is this disease doing to me now?

I think that while this is going on im giving up food again, it all tastes gross and ive tried desperate tactics to make it appetizing, including high fat deep fried anything. Nada, couldn’t manage to force myself to eat by putting those formerly sought after fattening foods out there. Im truly screwed, on the weird side I’ll get all kinds of praiseful remarks at my weight loss, they don’t flatter me. All I can think of when I hear those comments is now I can no longer enjoy food. Ive lost enough before that, my ability to run, to work my arse off and actually accomplish something, gardening, bake and cook like I use to, this is just another slap in the face. I loved cooking and I loved eating (I was not slim by any means) I loved taking care of my family.

Another thing this brings up for me is remarks that weight loss will help my arthritis, well I would think 50lbs less of me would give me some kind of improvement that would be noticable, but no, my pain has worsened over the last year. I know extra poundage is good for no one, the only tangeble benefits of weight loss are cardiovascular ones. Less stress on the heart, less fats building up around your heart and into your bloodstream, less blood to pump because of reduction of body mass. We RA’ers need to be extra protective of our hearts and cardio systems. I think our chances of cardiovascular disease doubles with having RA.

I miss you tastey food, hopefully what ever it is, buggers off shortly.

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4 thoughts on “fresh hell

  1. Thanks for creating visibility for chronic illness! I am terminally ill but I think the path we walk is similar in terms of what current culture can accept. Who can see us, support us, how we navigate this new terrain? p.s. my current treatment regime includes infusions of cytoxan which overnight lifted my incredibly unmanageable joint pain in my lower body. Now there is a aside effect I can get behind! ; )
    warmly, Marcy Westerling
    http://livinglydying.com/

    • racanuck says:

      Thank you for visiting my blog Marcy, I checked yours out and ended up reading quite a few, I must say you’re an inpriational woman and I admire your strength. I will for sure return to your blog and read more. Blessings to you ❤

  2. anet37 says:

    Do you still have the ability to taste your food? Sjogren’s can take that away from you. Or maybe you have candida or lichen planus? I’m no expert but it sounds like a problem if you can’t eat. It’s a lot like “unexplained weight loss”. Even though you know what is happening you don’t know why.

    There was a doctor at the sjogrens conference who talked about altered taste. Candidiasis can actually make your taste buds disappear and affect your sense of smell as well

    • racanuck says:

      I first thought of candida too, but my mouth is free of it, I know the meds can have this effect on taste. It comes and goes randomly.

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