No more blog in forseeable future.

I am finding it harder to write. I really expected to have improved since March of ’09 when I first started feeling symptoms, but I have not. I can do less and less as time goes on. My family and friends are non-existant and being stuck in this piece of shit useless body has stripped me of any hope & self worth I use to posess. I am not a writer by any means and have no usable skills with this bitch illness. All the things I use to enjoy and was good at were physical, now there is just nothing. I exist, that is all.

Take care and I hope your luck is better than mine.

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4 thoughts on “No more blog in forseeable future.

  1. blackbirdatnight says:

    Hang in there, hon. This is one of the valleys of your life. Read your “Happy December” post and feel the hope and joy you felt at that time. It will come back, I promise. I understand how it sucks to be limited in what you want to do. I too loved gardening and I just do little bits now. It still gives me joy to go outside and dig my hands in the soil and breathe the air. There are some days we can’t do these things, but there are days when we can. Please treat yourself gently and kindly. Rest, and know that your present suffering will ease. I don’t know that because I’m a doctor, I know that because I’m in a similar boat. In December I was planning ways to die. Now I am still weak, but feeling optimistic about the future, and I just take one small step a day towards doing things I love. Those steps add up. *hugs*

    Blessings,
    Jane

  2. There’s so much you can do online though. I found a job even. It’s not for a lot of money, but it is better than a kick in the ass with a frozen boot. I also read a lot. And I mean 2-5 books a week. I play games too and not the Facebook kind. Check out Everquest2, it’s free to play.

    It sounds like maybe you need to talk to your doctor about depression sweetie. I’m on Cymbalta, which supposedly helps Fibro pain, but it also keeps me fairly sane. Yeah some days are really shitty, and yeah Fibro sucks, but overall I’m pretty positive. Even if I don’t believe the pain, fatigue or my situation will change any time soon.

    Perhaps, at least for me, the “trick” is to keep my mind engaged and busy. No time for nostalgia or overly negative thinking when your mind is busy.

    You aren’t alone you know. There are tons of spoonies using Twitter. If not for them, I’d have been in a very dark place. So I’m grateful for the internet, that’s for sure.

    Sunshine and smiles! #spooniehugs too

  3. anet37 says:

    I’m sorry you are feeling so rotten and I hope things can somehow improve for you. I’m sure you’ve tried everything you can think of but things often do improve to more tolerable levels.
    How helpful is the Arthritis Society there? Maybe you can talk to a social worker through them, even if it’s a phone appointment with a Head Office person. They sometimes have good ideas for how to proceed.

  4. Marianna says:

    It saddens me to read how exhausted, frustrated and in pain you are.

    I know it seems like this cycle will never end, but it can. Unfortunately, these feelings pile up on one another, generating more of the same emotional, mental and physical anguish.

    You can take some control by doing some proactive things, such as reaching out as Annette suggested.

    If you would like to talk, send me an email and we’ll arrange a time.

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