Well, I’m overwhelmed as hell. Saw the biologics nurses today and was told moderate to severe rheumatoid arthritis and it’s active. I already knew that but hearing it was brutal. My crp and esr are elevated, go figure. I feel faced with decisions I’d rather not make. Pushed to the edge financially, physically and emotionally. Why? I’m really starting to consider the possibility that I was a very bad person in a previous life.

I’m in a miserable place in the world but to consider solitude and social housing is the epitaph of my life. I’m losing more abilities in shorter time frames. I will not even consider a relationship or dating now because of this. Who wants a girlfriend they have to take care of, especially at my age? I’m not that old yet. May as well be. I refuse to be a burden or a chore to anyone, I resent the thought. I take care of it all NOT the other way around.

Not that there’s not a lot to choose from in the decent category of dateables, just none quite that wonderful that I’ve ever met or will meet. I never go out anymore so I figure I’m more likely to win the lotto.

Not much new here. Just more stolen dreams and basic abilities most take for granted.