fresh hell

Ugh, everyday a new fascinating mystery for me to solve in the rheum playground. For the last few days the inside of my mouth has felt as though I’d been chewing fiberglass like bubblegum. Like a million tiny razor blades had their way with my mouth, anything I eat tastes & has the consistancy of dirty gravel off a road. Throw in a strange and gross metallic flavour and you’ve got the makings of a wtf is this disease doing to me now?

I think that while this is going on im giving up food again, it all tastes gross and ive tried desperate tactics to make it appetizing, including high fat deep fried anything. Nada, couldn’t manage to force myself to eat by putting those formerly sought after fattening foods out there. Im truly screwed, on the weird side I’ll get all kinds of praiseful remarks at my weight loss, they don’t flatter me. All I can think of when I hear those comments is now I can no longer enjoy food. Ive lost enough before that, my ability to run, to work my arse off and actually accomplish something, gardening, bake and cook like I use to, this is just another slap in the face. I loved cooking and I loved eating (I was not slim by any means) I loved taking care of my family.

Another thing this brings up for me is remarks that weight loss will help my arthritis, well I would think 50lbs less of me would give me some kind of improvement that would be noticable, but no, my pain has worsened over the last year. I know extra poundage is good for no one, the only tangeble benefits of weight loss are cardiovascular ones. Less stress on the heart, less fats building up around your heart and into your bloodstream, less blood to pump because of reduction of body mass. We RA’ers need to be extra protective of our hearts and cardio systems. I think our chances of cardiovascular disease doubles with having RA.

I miss you tastey food, hopefully what ever it is, buggers off shortly.

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